Mandatory Credit: Rob Grabowski-USA TODAY Sports

Game 5 Preview -- Chicago Bulls (1-3) at Miami Heat (3-1)

GET OUT THE BROOMS!  IT’S TIME TO SWEEP THE CHICAGO BULLS!

All exclamation aside, does anybody think the Bulls are going to beat the Heat tonight?  Anybody?  Anybody?!?!

That’s right — there is no way that the Miami Heat are dropping Game 5 to the Chicago Bulls in Miami.  0% chance of a Bulls victory, folks.

But, but, but, the Bulls beat the Miami Heat in Game 1 in Miami“, blubbers your favorite die-hard Bulls fan (who is also wearing a Joakim Noah jersey he hasn’t washed since the start of the playoffs — one thing that he and Joakim Noah have in common)

Sure, the Bulls beat the Miami Heat in Game 1.  Sure, the game was in Miami.  And sure, Nate Robinson had 27 points.  But, guess how many points Nate Robinson has had since Game 1?  28 points.  That’s right, Nate Robinson has scored one more point in the past three games than he scored in Game 1 (including zero points in Game 4).

The thing is Mr. Favorite Die-Hard Bulls Fan, these are not the same Chicago Bulls that beat the Miami Heat in Game 1.  They don’t have the same (or any) swagger, they can’t shoot the ball (the only Chicago Bulls player that is shooting 50% or better is Vladimir Radmanovic.  Think about that.  Vladimir Effing Radmanovic.), and they can’t rely on Nate Robinson to bail out their offense late in the shot clock (Little Nate is 16-for-51 in this series).

This is a tired Bulls team that is missing some of its best players and team leaders in Luol Deng and Kirk Hinrich.  It has had to deal with the ups-and-downs of the Derrick Rose drama.  It’s best player, Joakim Noah, is essentially playing on one-and-a-half feet, making Noah the best injured basketball dick in the Midwest.

Some of Joakim’s Best Moments From This Series

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ7y1v_A6IM

Last year, Joakim Noah, said that the Heat were “Hollywood as hell”.  Well, this “Hollywood” Heat team is about to beat the hell out of Joakim Noah and the Chicago Bulls, much like Matt Damon beat the hell out of the 152,000 (or so) bad guys he faced in the Bourne Trilogy — with maximum efficiency.

Joakim’s “Hollywood as hell” Quote

Jae Bradley covers the Miami Heat for Fansided.com. You can follow him @jaebradley.  

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Tags: Chicago Bulls Game 5 Joakim Noah Miami Heat NBA NBA Playoffs

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