RTD: What’s the Best Realistic Outcome For the Miami Heat This Season?

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Dec 23, 2014; Miami, FL, USA; Miami Heat forward Luol Deng (9) takes a breather during the second half against Philadelphia 76ers at American Airlines Arena. The 76ers won 91-87. Mandatory Credit: Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

2. Match a Heat player with the following “Seinfeld” characters: Jerry, George, Elaine, Kramer and Newman.

Ramil: Oh, man. You wrote this one for me, right? O.K..where do I even begin? I’ve got Luol Deng as Jerry “Even Steven” Seinfeld. He rarely shows emotion (“What is this salty discharge?”) and his production fluctuates from great to mediocre. Hassan Whiteside is George, his neurosis manifesting every time he feels the need to prove how good he is and he’s never able to enjoy the success he has. Dwyane Wade is Elaine, narcissistic and self-absorbed but always loyal to his one true love (the team, not Jerry). Beasley is Kramer – blissfully unaware and wildly-successful; he would totally rock a cologne that smells like the ocean. I’ve got LeBron as Newman; he’s Luol’s nemesis, is rarely allowed in Jerry’s house and just like the U.S. Postal Service, you’re never sure when he’ll deliver.

Tachauer: While comedy is not exactly my television genre of choice, I think I can do this. Right off of the bat, I see Goran Dragic as Jerry. The Dragon certainly loves a good joke (you all remember this right?), and seems to have a good head on his shoulders. Plus, for whatever reason, I see him as a student of tough love. I guess Hassan Whiteside would be George; unable to control his emotions at times and still needing to prove his worth. Mario Chalmers and Dwyane both strike me as Elaine. While Chalmers constantly needs to be a part of everything, Wade has a superior, self-interested way about him. Birdman would obviously be Kramer, eccentric and somewhat of a troublemaker. Newman is a tough one, but let me go with Shabazz Napier. Strictly for the fact that Dragic’s arrival only further took away from the rookie’s playing time.

Posada: Beasley is Kramer – there’s no other choice. Would not surprise me if he tried to hire Cubans to help him roll cigars, but they turn out to be Dominicans. Chalmers is George – a bit temperamental, while always having to deal with everyone coming down on him. If there’s someone that would probably drive around the arena parking with a Larry O’Brien trophy tied to his car, it’s Rio. I’m going off the board with Elaine, as Erik Spoelstra and his dance moves are all I need to make my argument. Henry Walker would play Newman, as my reactions to Walker entering the game are similar to Jerry’s whenever Newman is at his door. As for Jerry, I’m leaning Hassan Whiteside. Wikipedia describes Jerry as a figure who is “able to observe the chaos around him but not always be a part of it.” While also funny, Whiteside tends to have a “I’m doing my thing, so I can’t worry about everyone else” vibe to them recently, especially during the end of the Wizards game.

Kassim: Jerry= Dwyane Wade. I mean, he’s the leader and he can be funny, if you’ve watched him come on the Late Night shows. Kramer= Michael Beasley. The similarities are kind of eerie, no? George= Udonis Haslem. He always has Wade’s back and has been on his side from the beginning, this is a real friendship. Elaine= Chris Bosh. Why? Seinfeld is not Seinfeld without Elaine and right now the Heat are missing Bosh a lot. Get well soon, Bosh!. Newman= Henry Walker. This dude can shoot terribly through the first three quarters, drive and turn the ball over through the first three quarters, and you cannot stand him, until he turns his game around in the fourth quarter and sends the game to OT.

Goldberg: I’m defaulting my answer to David. He’s the Seinfeld expert. I’ll take my own shot when I write up one based on Arrested Development.

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