Hey, we might not have Dwyane Wade, but we got Josh McRoberts!
Shortly after the NBA announced the 2016-17 schedule, and the Miami Heat announced that single game tickets will be going on sale, Micky Arison–the managing partner of the franchise–wrote a letter to fans begging them to buy tickets thanking them for their continued fandom.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!!Thank you for your amazing support over the last 21 years since I became Managing General Partner for your Miami HEAT.Thank you for helping us achieve 294 consecutive sellouts, the longest sellout streak in team history and the second-longest current streak in the NBA.Thank you for creating a fantastic home court advantage, especially during our White Hot HEAT Playoffs. The last 10 years have been a great run, with five NBA Finals appearances and three NBA Championships."
No, Micky, thank you. Thank you for stepping in when it seemed that the team’s best guard and fan favorite Tyler Johnson (?) was about to get away.
Thank you for cruising when Heat fans were crying. Thank you for re-assuring us with this letter.
"Obviously, this has been a challenging summer…one with significant changes. For the first time in a long time, Dwyane Wade will not be part of our team, but it will be a joyous homecoming when we someday hang his #3 jersey from the rafters of AmericanAirlines Arena."
Oh, is that supposed to make me feel better? Yeah, D-Wade is gone but GUESS F’ING WHAT WE ARE GONNA HANG THAT SUCKER’S JERSEY IN THE RAFTERS. THAT’S RIGHT, RIGHT NEXT TO DAN F’ING MARINO! Oh, thanks Micky. I feel soooooo much better now. Joyous, even.
"Over the past 21 years we have had wonderful moments, including winning three championships and cheering as HEAT players were named NBA All-Stars, NBA Finals MVP, League MVP and Defensive Player of the Year. We have also had our share of adversity – from an Allan Houston bounce to All-Star players Alonzo Mourning and Chris Bosh missing significant amounts of time on the court. Together we have celebrated the joys and endured the hardships. Always together. That is what has been special about being part of HEAT Nation."
This is classic Oreo Cookie Theory. Wonderful moments, winning championships, players winning stuff, blah blah blah… CHRIS BOSH’S BLOOD DOESN’T WORK RIGHT ALONZO MOURNING’S KIDNEY AND OH YEAH I’M STILL NOT OVER ALLAN F’ING HOUSTON… celebrating joy together, we’re all special, #HeatNation.
"And so, as Pat Riley has said on numerous occasions, “One of the only things you can count on in life that is permanent is change.” We need to understand and embrace change as part of sports; in fact, as part of life."
Change. Like going from having a good relationship with Dwyane Wade to royally screwing him. Change, like going from talking to your star player to, uh, not. Change, like going from endlessly and organizationally criticizing Hassan Whiteside to handing him more money than Wade ever got.
Change, like forfeiting another season by signing a bunch of journey men to one-year contracts in order to only maintain the hope of signing a big name free agent in 2017. Oh, wait, no that’s still the same.
"What won’t change is the culture of this organization. The Miami HEAT is a Championship organization."
You’re right, Micky. No one can take away our rings. There’s that.
"I fully expect this team, from Pat Riley to Head Coach Erik Spoelstra, to our veterans Chris Bosh, Udonis Haslem, Goran Dragic and Josh McRoberts, to our returning young core of Hassan Whiteside, Justise Winslow, Josh Richardson and Tyler Johnson, to the fresh faces joining the HEAT Family to continue our mantra of being the “hardest working, best conditioned, most professional, unselfish, toughest, meanest, nastiest team in the NBA.”"
more: The Heat's most anticipated games of the 2016-17 season
Wait, Josh McRoberts made the letter?
Wait! Chris Bosh? Are you saying you know something we don’t, Micky?
Micky?
MICKYYY!!!!!!
Wait, is the juxtaposition between “Tyler Johnson” and “fresh faces” on purpose? Major troll move, Micky.
Hardest working, best conditioned, most professional, unselfish, toughest, meanest, nastiest… Dwyane Wade-less, ruthless, Pat Riley-est, Dion Waiters-y, contract year-y and saddest after a bad offseason… team in the NBA.
"I’m excited about this team and I’m confident you will enjoy watching us play this season. I look forward to seeing you on Opening Night at AmericanAirlines Arena."
PLEASE BUY SOME TICKETS!