We’ve heard it before, the oft-repeated mantra of every professional athlete. If the M..."/> We’ve heard it before, the oft-repeated mantra of every professional athlete. If the M..."/>

5 Free Agents the Heat Should NOT Sign

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May 6, 2014; Miami, FL, USA; Brooklyn Nets forward Paul Pierce (34) looks over at Miami Heat forward LeBron James (6) during the first half in game one of the second round of the 2014 NBA Playoffs at American Airlines Arena. Mandatory Credit: Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

SMALL FORWARD – Paul Pierce

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA…..cough.

After less than two days of free agency, where Polish Hammers are being paid $60 million dollars (that’s more than 10,000 Pentagon hammers a year!) and underachieving shooting guards are getting $8 million a year, people might suggest adding a skilled veteran to Miami’s roster would be a smart move. This is desperation. Do not give in to desperation.

Signing Pierce would single-handedly alienate James, Wade, Ray Allen and at least half the Heat fanbase. I don’t care if he can give you valuable minutes off the bench or if he can still knock down 3-pointers at 39%. I don’t care if he’s clutch.

I tried looking for a video that would summarize Pierce’s various dealings with Miami and instead was treated to highlights of game-winning buzzer beaters. Painful. So I’ll leave you with this gem of classic Pierce, who was referred to by Quentin Richardson (a hero in this writer’s home) as an “actress.”